The High Priest of the Holy Church of Americana: Sam Worthington

He.z got the "look" (that Vince McMahon looks for when you are in the WWE), the skillset (being able to eat a banana without shoving it up his nose) and he is already becoming the Christian Bale of 2007-08 and the Collin Farrel of 2005-06. Ladies and gentlemen! Sam Worthington. Fuck. He.z even got the name right.

Maybe it was my fault to watch two movies of this guy in two weeks straight (Clash of the Titans and Avatar). But I am pretty lucky considering that I did not watch a third (Terminator4). I thought I should give a review first, but then decided to go with a comparative review. However, that I have seen Shutter Island and Manhattan Murder Mystery (two exceptional movies) which deserve reviews more than these trashers, I wanted to go in a different direction. Besides, I am pretty sure that a whole load of you have seen Avatar and come to your own conclusions. What I want to talk about, is the immense quality of bullshit dished out to us by the Holy Church of Americana.

Whom/What is the Holy Church of Americana? It is the creme de la creme of the Fortune500 companies that decide on a complex market analysis algorithm, what the pursuits of the entire globe should be. I am not Anti-American. Let me put that down very clearly. As a country which has always given people enough hope that they can go anywhere they want if they really want it bad enough, America stands for what I believe in too. What I am against, is the corporate-mass-produced kitsch which is shoved down people's throats in America and across the world as the standards one should aspire to. Totalitarianism, even if it is of American-corporate conglomerates, is a path to self-destruction. The question is, whose self is going to be destroyed?

Before I make another point in this direction, let me get this out of the way...

Fuck you James Cameron. And the other guy.

As I was saying, Avatar should make people think, "oh? The movie is a massive hit across the US? People must have really woken up to it that they are cheering for nine foot aliens to kick American G I Ass." But no. It does not. Because ultimately it is a cripple Marine who is so much better than the other people in America (cuz he don't have legs, he must be closer to the earth, non?) and has to ride a Dragon (Turok, Quake, I don't give two shits about its name) to convince the "tribe" with bow and arrows to let him lead them to mass-destruction before kicking them out, American style. Obviously the Dragon-Rider will become the leader of the People. So the White Man in the skin of the Black Man, becomes the master, again. How sweet. Happy fucking ending.

Fuck you motherfucker.

Avatar? More like, Atavar. At a war with everything that's against you. For if we are not with you, we are against you, aren't we? Wait, too much information to process for the humble follower of the Holy Church of Americana, so go back to rule number one. My God is a good God. Your god is a god starting with a small fucking 'g'. As I said earlier,

Fuck you motherfucker.

Now that my Avatar review is over. Lets go over Clash of the Titans. I am not even getting into the adherence/authenticity to the Greek Original. Come on people, get your heads out of your asses. Its fiction. Mythology. It can be adapted in any way they wanna adapt it. If they want to make the Christian, oops, sorry, American AllFather out of the Greek Zeus, let them do it. Now, we have Perseus, a man who is also son of god. Why, we just need a ghost. Oh wait... There is a ghost, Io, cursed never to age, how convenient, lets have Perseus screwing her. Now, what do we need... A bunch of religious fanatics who are fatalistic, willing to sacrifice themselves before the end comes. Wait, we can put a little matted hair in a bun on their heads and add red/white stripes on their foreheads. If we think that they are too much of a direct allusion to the "Hindoo" then Shame on us. Let Sufia Zinobia rip our heads apart. Its our narrow minded perception. There still remains something unfinished... Wait, they have got it. A Djinn. Is that an Arabic term? They did not know. They guy wears a turban, lives in a desert and is supposed to be eternal enemies to OUR people? Iskander says, Fuck me in the mouth. Are you sure that you are not talking about "Moslems" you know, the archetypal fundamentalists? No? You are making a secular movie? Oh right... This is meant for children. They watch it and grow up into Zombie-Americananites. Great. Awesome. Keep the good job up your ass.

Now that I have reviewed two movies in as many paragraphs, I would like to hear from you. What do you think of these movies? What other movies come to your mind when you think of this? Do you remember the classic Sharon Stone line from Alan Quartermain and the Lost city of Gold? "Oh, no! We have lost another (African-tribe-name) tribesman!"